Coming Out

No one, outside of the internet communities I frequent, knows I'm a devotee. In all likelihood no one besides my future significant other ever will know. I am at peace with my special attraction. I've accepted it as part of who I am. I don't share it with the public at large because I'm not comfortable with the reactions I'm bound to receive if I share that information. I know that many would question my sanity. Others who are more familiar with the phenomenon would lump me in with the fetishists and predators who use the same label. Of course the vast majority of people I meet on a daily basis simply don't need to know this about me.

The fact that I keep my attraction a secret does give me the privacy I desire but it's also rather lonely. I work in a office full of women and when we all get together the talk inevitably turns to men. We all discuss who we find attractive and what we like in a man and those of us who are single talk about what we'd like in a relationship too. I always join in on these conversations but of course I keep one factor out of the conversation. It makes me feel like I can't truly be myself even among my closest friends. I also feel a bit like a liar. I'm more honest with complete strangers on the internet than I am with my own friends!

I wish there was some way to network with other female devs in my area. It would be great to have a real live friend with whom I could discuss things. It would be great to have a single dev friend to go out with so that we could search for "Mr. Right" together. Oh well, not having live dev friends is certainly not the end of the world. I have made several great online friends anyway.