Fascilitating The Matchmaking Process: What Am I Doing About It?

I got asked similar questions twice in as many days. Once by a reader who asked "Why don't you team up with a dating site?" And once during a phone interview with a very nice writer who wants to write an article about devotees. I mentioned that I truly believe there are many more female devotees than are represented on the internet and he asked "What are you doing to spread the word to other women that the devotee community is out there?"

Seems like at least two people are looking to me to lead the charge to find more dev chicks! On its surface it's a perfectly logical thought. They are out there somewhere after all, so why not find them and bring them to dating sites so they can hook up with the men they find most attractive. Matches made and problems solved all around right? Well, I'm not sure.

It's not that I'd be unwilling to team up with dating sites. Jama, for example, seems like an awsome woman! I'm just not sure what benefit my presence would serve. Exactly what could I do that isn't already being done? Many of the devs I know already have partners and those who don't are already using the dating sites. Nothing can be done in the way of live recruitment.
There's no mass gathering spot of potentially dev females to bombard with leaflets or anything. The only other option I can think of is to somehow make the online dev community easier for women to find.

The "traditional" way that most people find the devotee community is when they go online in search of porn. I personally found it while searching for erotica which featured men with disabilities. My search led me on a detour from erotica to fetishes (fascinating to look at a list of what turns people on btw, human sexuality is wild and wacky, mine included) fetishes led to devotees. I don't think women come to the internet looking for sexual content nearly as often as men and when they do I'd bet few of them would stumble on the detours necessary to find devotees let alone other women devs. If any dating site out there wants to add an erotica which features strong handsome men with disabilities, they might stand a chance of luring more ladies directly to the source (if the writing is any good that is)! But then again it could backfire, who knows.

The long and short of it is this: I believe more women will start to show up if some internet savvy minds out there find some way to get devotee communities to show up on search engines in less "creepy" contexts.

A Dozen Answers: Gathering Up The Comments And Finally Making A Response!

I want to thank everyone who has recently taken the time to read through my somewhat dated ramblings! I've gotten many many wonderful comments and I've been tuning in and reading them all. So far I haven't been back to respond to any of them but I'm here now to remedy that. I tried to pick out all the threads and themes in the comment section of my blog. I hope I answered everyone. If I missed yours I'm very sorry. Please repost and I'll respond if I can!

1. Why don't I put up profiles on some of the dating sites?
I did, I do, I use several of them and have for quite a while. I've met some great guys that way as a matter of fact. :-)

2. Thanks for giving your MySpace address but slow computers can't use MySpace.
Thank you very much for the heads up on that one. I should have thought about it. One of my computers is also really slow and I hate checking MySpace with that one! This blog links to my email address (devorella@yahoo.com) too if anyone wants to contact me privately.

3. Not every person with a disability is on welfare!
Yup I know. :-) I don't think I ever said that. I have quoted the statistic that a large majority of people with disabilities in the US are either unemployed or underemployed. I know numbers can lie but my highly unscientific browsing of dating sites seems to support that statistic. That being said, I have met, talked to, dated lots of guys with great jobs. :-)

4. Not every person with a disability is a basket case!
Yup I know. :-) I don't think I ever said that either. This comment was about being self sufficient. I don't equate the need for assistance with being a "basket case" myself but, for the record, I know lots, and lots of very capable people with disabilities.

5. I'm frustrated because I meet so many phony devs! Why can't they just be honest?
I get lots and lots of contacts from phonies too. It's disrespectful and it's annoying. Some people I care about have been really hurt by people who were misrepresenting themselves. I'm sorry for those out there who have been getting contacts from fakers. I don't know what the answer is so all I can give is my sympathy!

6. I think I'll probably always be single.
I often feel that way too. For now though I really don't mind. I'm meeting some nice people and I'm having a good time. Somewhere down the line I really do hope there's a "happily ever after" for everyone who wants one.

7. I think I'm going to date women with disabilities.
Great! I know there are lots of single women out there and I wish you the best of luck finding the right one! :-D

8. Why are all the devs so far away??
Boy do I feel your pain on this one! When I browse dating sites I am constantly running across great sounding guys who are much too far away for me to even consider dating. Ah well, c'est la vie. I am just hoping the universe isn't so cruel as to make a perfect match for me and then put that person completely out of reach!

9. Have you read up on disability? Can you really deal with the day to day life of a person with a disability?
I think I may have answered this one in my previous blog post but I figured I'd stick it in here for completeness. The short answer is, if he's the guy for me then yes, I can deal. I do want to pick apart a similar concept in another blog post though about power, empowerment, balance etc. But that's for another night!

10. Why isn't there a forum/matchmaker's area on here?
There are lots of great sites that provide those services. Nothing I could provide would do that job nearly as well. This is really just a blog about the stuff rattling around in my own teeny lil mind. :-)

11. Do I prefer men with or without prosthesis?
LOL! Honestly I don't really care one way or the other about that. The hardware isn't nearly as important as the person using it!

12. Great blog I hope it continues!
Aw shucks! All those who posted this comment are too kind! I am happy you enjoy reading and thank you for the kind words.