Settling

We were discussing the topic of "settling" in one of the groups I frequent and I wanted to address my personal feelings on the matter here a bit. I already talked about the qualities I look for in an ideal mate. Over the years I have found that life's lonely road has led me to consider men who don't fit the criteria I set.

When I was younger I dated able bodied men because I thought my attraction was bizarre and that no one else in the world felt the way I did so it would be best just to try to suppress it and be like everyone else. It's probably quite fortunate that I never ended up marrying any of those men. I've run into lots of other devs married to non-disabled men and they all eventually drift back to the devotee/admirer communities even if it's only to share a fantasy.

When I finally did find the community it was a great relief to know that I wasn't alone and I immediately started searching for guys to date. The folks who contacted me fell pretty far outside of my attraction so I became a bit disheartened. Just about that time I learned about pretenders. I thought to myself perhaps the man for me doesn't really need to have a disability. Maybe it will be enough for me if he pretends to have one. I know now that my thinking on the matter was flawed. I have made many pretender friends but I know that I would never want to date a member of that community.

Even today I will sometimes meet men who I find physically attractive but who doesn't meet my ideal in other fairly major ways and a little voice in the back of my head will try to tell me "go for it anyway"! Now, of course, I'm old enough and wise enough to resist. The road may be lonesome but it's the right road for me to be on.