Fascilitating The Matchmaking Process: What Am I Doing About It?

I got asked similar questions twice in as many days. Once by a reader who asked "Why don't you team up with a dating site?" And once during a phone interview with a very nice writer who wants to write an article about devotees. I mentioned that I truly believe there are many more female devotees than are represented on the internet and he asked "What are you doing to spread the word to other women that the devotee community is out there?"

Seems like at least two people are looking to me to lead the charge to find more dev chicks! On its surface it's a perfectly logical thought. They are out there somewhere after all, so why not find them and bring them to dating sites so they can hook up with the men they find most attractive. Matches made and problems solved all around right? Well, I'm not sure.

It's not that I'd be unwilling to team up with dating sites. Jama, for example, seems like an awsome woman! I'm just not sure what benefit my presence would serve. Exactly what could I do that isn't already being done? Many of the devs I know already have partners and those who don't are already using the dating sites. Nothing can be done in the way of live recruitment.
There's no mass gathering spot of potentially dev females to bombard with leaflets or anything. The only other option I can think of is to somehow make the online dev community easier for women to find.

The "traditional" way that most people find the devotee community is when they go online in search of porn. I personally found it while searching for erotica which featured men with disabilities. My search led me on a detour from erotica to fetishes (fascinating to look at a list of what turns people on btw, human sexuality is wild and wacky, mine included) fetishes led to devotees. I don't think women come to the internet looking for sexual content nearly as often as men and when they do I'd bet few of them would stumble on the detours necessary to find devotees let alone other women devs. If any dating site out there wants to add an erotica which features strong handsome men with disabilities, they might stand a chance of luring more ladies directly to the source (if the writing is any good that is)! But then again it could backfire, who knows.

The long and short of it is this: I believe more women will start to show up if some internet savvy minds out there find some way to get devotee communities to show up on search engines in less "creepy" contexts.

A Dozen Answers: Gathering Up The Comments And Finally Making A Response!

I want to thank everyone who has recently taken the time to read through my somewhat dated ramblings! I've gotten many many wonderful comments and I've been tuning in and reading them all. So far I haven't been back to respond to any of them but I'm here now to remedy that. I tried to pick out all the threads and themes in the comment section of my blog. I hope I answered everyone. If I missed yours I'm very sorry. Please repost and I'll respond if I can!

1. Why don't I put up profiles on some of the dating sites?
I did, I do, I use several of them and have for quite a while. I've met some great guys that way as a matter of fact. :-)

2. Thanks for giving your MySpace address but slow computers can't use MySpace.
Thank you very much for the heads up on that one. I should have thought about it. One of my computers is also really slow and I hate checking MySpace with that one! This blog links to my email address (devorella@yahoo.com) too if anyone wants to contact me privately.

3. Not every person with a disability is on welfare!
Yup I know. :-) I don't think I ever said that. I have quoted the statistic that a large majority of people with disabilities in the US are either unemployed or underemployed. I know numbers can lie but my highly unscientific browsing of dating sites seems to support that statistic. That being said, I have met, talked to, dated lots of guys with great jobs. :-)

4. Not every person with a disability is a basket case!
Yup I know. :-) I don't think I ever said that either. This comment was about being self sufficient. I don't equate the need for assistance with being a "basket case" myself but, for the record, I know lots, and lots of very capable people with disabilities.

5. I'm frustrated because I meet so many phony devs! Why can't they just be honest?
I get lots and lots of contacts from phonies too. It's disrespectful and it's annoying. Some people I care about have been really hurt by people who were misrepresenting themselves. I'm sorry for those out there who have been getting contacts from fakers. I don't know what the answer is so all I can give is my sympathy!

6. I think I'll probably always be single.
I often feel that way too. For now though I really don't mind. I'm meeting some nice people and I'm having a good time. Somewhere down the line I really do hope there's a "happily ever after" for everyone who wants one.

7. I think I'm going to date women with disabilities.
Great! I know there are lots of single women out there and I wish you the best of luck finding the right one! :-D

8. Why are all the devs so far away??
Boy do I feel your pain on this one! When I browse dating sites I am constantly running across great sounding guys who are much too far away for me to even consider dating. Ah well, c'est la vie. I am just hoping the universe isn't so cruel as to make a perfect match for me and then put that person completely out of reach!

9. Have you read up on disability? Can you really deal with the day to day life of a person with a disability?
I think I may have answered this one in my previous blog post but I figured I'd stick it in here for completeness. The short answer is, if he's the guy for me then yes, I can deal. I do want to pick apart a similar concept in another blog post though about power, empowerment, balance etc. But that's for another night!

10. Why isn't there a forum/matchmaker's area on here?
There are lots of great sites that provide those services. Nothing I could provide would do that job nearly as well. This is really just a blog about the stuff rattling around in my own teeny lil mind. :-)

11. Do I prefer men with or without prosthesis?
LOL! Honestly I don't really care one way or the other about that. The hardware isn't nearly as important as the person using it!

12. Great blog I hope it continues!
Aw shucks! All those who posted this comment are too kind! I am happy you enjoy reading and thank you for the kind words.

It's Been Ages!

It seems lately my humble and ancient blog has been "flooded" with attention from kind folks leaving comments. I have no idea where everyone got the address to my blog but thanks very much for all the attention. While I don't post here often (I pretty much said all I could think of to say about this subject), I do still read and enjoy all the comments. I can't answer most of the comments because folks don't leave any contact info. But if anyone is interested, you can add me on MySpace. http://www.myspace.com/devorella

Even though I don't post here often, I find I'm still getting comments from lots of nice folks who express an interest in chatting. The problem is they leave no contact information. My email address is on my profile here in this blog and it's also on my website. http://www.geocities.com/devorella/ I may not get the chance to talk to everyone who writes but I do always appreciate the comments.

Hello World,

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't posted here in quite a while. Basically I haven't posted because my attraction is a fairly finite subject. There's just not all that much to talk about. For the most part I'm a pretty typical single, almost 40 year old woman. When I talk to my single (non-devotee) friends, I find they face the same challenges I do in the search for "Mr. Right". Hard to find the right one but I'm still searching! Hope everyone out there had a terrific holiday!

A Random Thought And An Answer To A Comment

I sometimes chat with men who say they'd be grateful to find a woman who doesn't care what they look like as long as she accepts them. I don't think "I don't care what you look like" is really what I'd like to hear from the love of my life. My wish for everyone is that they find a partner who finds them beautiful!

Thanks to everyone who reads and or comments on my blog. I am sometimes surprised to discover how many people actually read my humble musings! I haven't posted an a couple of weeks so I thought I'd take the opportunity to give my opinion on a question amplvr3 posted to my comments.

"Why there are so many 'faker' amputees posting disability personals. What's the point since they will eventually be found out? Why waste people's time claiming to be something you are not?"

I have had occasion to talk to many many fakers unfortunately and I've come to the conclusion that they do it for a number of reasons. Let me make it plain before I start that I realize that the vast majority of people who have BIID do not engage in any of the activities I'm about to describe. That being said, I think it's safe to assume that almost all fakers have BIID this is the way they express their desire to be amputees.

I think most of the people who place personal ads are interested in what it would be like to have a relationship with someone as an amputee. They have no intention of actually meeting anyone who responds to the ad. They are just interested in what it would feel like to be an amputee in love. These folks don't seem to think very much about the other side of this equation. I've talked to many devotees who have had their hearts broken by this type of deception.

There are also some people who are fakers who get off on emotional manipulation. They are turned on by making someone feel sorry for them. Sometimes it's the thrill of conquest. It's great fun to make someone fall in love with them just to see if they can do it.

Whatever the reasons for it, I've talked to some decent men and women who've had their hearts trampled on. It's made me very guarded in all my interactions with men online and I wish I didn't have to be that way but I do.

Settling Part 2

I forgot to talk about a very important part of the "settling" equation. Lots of the men I talk to tell me that it's sometimes challenging to find a mate when one has a disability. Hearing that statement from so many different men has led me to wonder just how likely it is that my future partner will consider a relationship with me "settling".

I would like a partner who chooses me because he loves my personality and my sense of humor; someone who respects the things I believe in and stand for even if he doesn't share all the same ideals and beliefs. I want someone who loves me enough to put up with my faults for the rest of our lives. I want to be chosen by a partner who picks me because he can't imagine a life with anyone else. I don't want to be the woman he chose just because I'd have sex with him.